“Dearly beloved, we are gathered together because those moments in life that are held most dear should be most felt. Not quietly, but in song and in fighting, in blood and in tears.”
SummerSlam 1991. The Match Made in Heaven. The wedding of Miss Elizabeth and Macho Man Randy Savage. The beginning of an arc that would see cobras hidden in gift boxes and the First Lady of Wrestling backhanded in the ring.
The beginning, too, maybe, of an arc that would see Elizabeth Hulette divorce real-life husband Randall "Randy" Poffo, become involved in an abusive relationship with wrestler Lex Luger, and die in 2003 of a drug overdose.
Wrestling and weddings.
Absurdity and tragedy.
Melodrama is complicated. Plots built around what we sacrifice for love are complicated. The way we dangle and torment brides to build up and wring out our emotions is complicated.
But we're going there. We're doing a Very Special Episode. We're pitting love against greed and backing it up with ballads and piledrivers.
Because melodrama is salvageable. Because the wedding trope's still got legs. Because we can rewrite the bathwater without throwing out the nuptials. Because, as we say in The House of Eternal Violence and Matrimonial Bliss (and Mixed Metaphors), "We do not have to be the destinies that others write for us. We do not have to sail only those courses that others set for our stars."